There is Always Money in the Banana Stand!

After months of being informed that Twilight is the best book ever and you have to read it I finally caved. Unfortunately Twilight is not the Best Book Ever it’s actually quite the opposite. My problem with Twilight is not the vampires (though they are pretty lame), but with Bella, the protagonist. Bella is insipid even though she is supposedly smart. Bella has no goals in life and is very talented at crying a lot. Bella can cook, but is extremely klutzy, bad at any and every sport, and spouts that she has read Shakespeare (I about died laughing when she was writing a paper about ‘Misogynistic portraits of females in Shakespeare’ (or something to that effect). Bella loves Edward, despite his bipolar tendencies, after knowing him for a week. Bella is depressed when she doesn’t see Edward and is flattered (as opposed to totally freaked out) when he follows her (she is unaware at the time) and sneaks into her bedroom to watch her sleep. Bella is very accident prone and is constantly getting herself into dangerous situations that Edward must rescue her from. Bella thinks she is very plain looking, but every boy she meets falls all over himself. Bella is a doormat, Bella is a disgrace to women, Bella is a poorly written character. I suppose I should applaud Stephenie Meyers, she has managed to entrance an entire generation of young women into the dream of being a submissive girlfriend/wife. Bravo, Stephenie, bravo.

As for the rest of the book there is no plot, unless you count getting captured and almost killed in the last 100 pages a plot. There are way too many useless details (why can’t you just use the all inclusive term ‘breakfast’ as opposed to a new meal everyday. Do we really need to know Bella ate a granola bar?). The vampires aren’t even cool…they sparkle in the sunshine (as opposed to bursting into flame), play baseball, and don’t even kill anyone.

This book made me angry beyond reason; mostly due to how much influence it has on its target audience. My little cousins read this…are they going to end up in abusive relationships because Twilight says its okay? Why did the editor not step back and say ‘Hey this needs a lot of work’ or maybe ‘I really shouldn’t publish this’. Instead they backed it, promoted like crazy, and gloried in its success. Ugh.

On the bright side when I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday a woman started talking to me about children’s novels and YA books. She then proceeded to ask me if I had read Twilight (really funny considering I just read it the day before) and I said yes. She said her son’s friends all told him her should read it and she was debating whether to buy it or not. I informed her that I found it really degrading to women… which didn’t really connect so I told her I didn’t think it was a book a boy would enjoy.

“Half the book is just the main characters saying how much they love each other.” She seemed to respond to this and said “Well if wants to read it he can just borrow a friends.” The kid will probably read it eventually, but at least I saved his mom some money. Ha, take that Stephenie Meyer.

On the bright side I found this little comic commentary on Twilight (it is fairly accurate).

By an artist called Headcase on deviant art

On the brighter side of the reading spectrum I just read a book called The Willoughbys by Lois Lowry. It was highly amusing and played on the good stories of a old fashioned families (citing Mary Poppins, James and the Giant Peach, and many more). I particularly like the bit where the Willoughby children find a baby on the front porch and discuss whether to set it out for the trash collector.

Alright enough ranting about bad books.